You're Over the Hill Honey!
In this book, there is a full color picture on every page.
Your personalized data replaces words in red.
But will NOT be in red in the book.
Look who is over the hill!
Susan
Age 40
With Love From,
All Your Gal-Pals
2003
Page 3
Hi, there, Susan! How are things in Dallas, Honey? Your Gal-Pals told me you've been acting like you're getting OLD lately. You're not really old, though - you're ANCIENT. Since I'm an EXPERT on growing old gracefully, I've written you this book to offer my "services." Let's start by seeing what kind of shape you're really in...
Page 4
Are you showing signs of the Metalic Age? If you have gold in your teeth, silver in your hair, and lead in your bottom, I'm afraid you are!
Page 5
Susan, is your mind starting to make contracts that your body just can't keep? (According to your Gal-Pals, it is.)
Page 6
What about your PHYSICAL condition? Can you do any push-ups? When you try, are there several parts of your body still on the floor? When you get out of bed in the morning, do your tummy muscles hang down around your knees?
Page 7
You might want to do what I do to stay in shape: I just LOVE to JOG around the block a time or two every day! It's not easy to do, but it IS wonderful to be able to do some "Heavy Breathing" once again!
Page 8
Susan, does your back go out more often than you do???? Oh, dear, your Gal-Pals may be right...
Page 9
Your Gal-Pals told me you used to have the most adorable little "love handles"! Be honest, Susan wouldn't it be more appropriate these days to call them "Designer Luggage"?
Page 10
I know somebody else as old as you are. I think he's had a few face lifts in the past few years... he looks pretty good, really, but he always looks like he's surprised! (I think his belly button must be somewhere up around his neck by now…
Page 11
It's not looking too good for you, Susan. I heard that you asked your doctor for exercise advice and he said about all a person in your condition can hope to develop is a good sense of humor! Don't let it get you down. At least someone still cares about you, or your Gal-Pals wouldn't have given you this book!
Page 12
Maybe if I tell you this, it'll make you feel better. Last night I was talking with my dear husband, Harry, and I said, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?" He said he would. I asked, "Would you let your new wife use my pots and pans, wear my clothes, and use my golf clubs?"
Page 13
Harry said, "Pots and pans and clothes, yes... golf clubs, no." I asked, "Why not my golf clubs, Darlin?" And do you know what Harry said?'?? He said, "Because she's LEFT HANDED (So you think YOU've got troubles?)
Page 14
Now don't get me wrong, Susan... I'm still in LOVE with dear old Harry, and I think he loves me, too. Why, yesterday he told me I still had those "bedroom eyes" I had when we first got married. That made me feel great until he went on to say that, unfortunately, now they were attached to my "kitchen figure!"
Page 15
Now, Susan, let's pick on YOU for a while. I'm real tempted to tease you about your sex life. (But why bring up the past!) If you're like me, you've not only forgotten HOW, you've forgotten WHY!
Page 16
I have a girlfriend your age, Susan. She's had five babies, and believe me, she went from a 34B to a 40 Long! But she still looks as good in public as she did before she had those babies. Know how she does it? She wears a gadget called a Sheepdog Bra. It gets 'em gathered up and pointed in the right direction.
Page 17
Your Gal-Pals told me you probably can't even remember your "first time," Susan. Don't feel bad, Honey I can't even remember my LAST time!
Page 18
Seriously, though, before I leave you to wallow in your misery, I want you to know that you're improving with age, just like good wine. You really do look like a million bucks, Susan! (Of course, a million bucks won't buy what it used to...)
